Assassin
by Avschick33
Summary: ON HIATUS VERY AU I was a fool to believe that becoming an assassin would help the Alliance...Who am I? I was once Padme Amidala and this is my story
1. Prologue

A/N- Bad idea for me start another fic right now, but my muse is in high gear right now and this prologue just had to be posted. Let me know what you think. If you are wondering about the plot, read my profile and it'll give you a taste.

FYI- Vader is SANS SUIT in this fic.

Disclaimer- All characters belong to the Flannelled One aka George Lucas. I own nothing; the plot is mine though and so is Padme's other identity.

Assassin- Prologue

**Pre- A New Hope Era – fifteen years after Clone Wars:**

_How is it, you may ask, that someone such as myself turned out like this? How did I, former Queen and Senator of Naboo turn into one of the most feared enemies of the Empire? How does someone – who once fought so hard for peace and justice – become a warrior like me…someone who once condemned war and acts of savagery become the epitome of those acts? _

_Granted no one knows that I am actually Padme Amidala Naberrie Skywalker. Everyone believes I died several years ago, at the end of the Clone Wars. In a way you could say I died, just like my husband. I have shed my former identity and taken one that is both feared and revered, unlike my husband – who is now the second-most feared man in the galaxy. _

_Some would say that the day my life would never be the same was the day my husband – my soul, my other half – turned his back on the Jedi and his former life; taking on the identity of Darth Vader. But they're wrong…my life was forever changed the day I walked into that junk shop on that Sith-forsaken spit of land known as Tatooine. How could I have known that that little boy would be my husband? How could I have known that he would be my maker of destiny? _

_Do I regret loving him? Absolutely not. To regret loving him would be denying him…something I could never do. Because of him I learned to love, to live life to the fullest…because of him I had two beautiful children. The day they were born was the day I died. My children. My sweet babies…Luke and Leia, whom I haven't seen since they were born. I know they are well cared for and loved. _

_It breaks my heart – or what's left of it – knowing that they'll never know who I am. I never got to see them take their first steps or say their first words. Nor will I ever get to kiss them or hug them when they get hurt. Do I blame my husband? Maybe a little, but mostly it's my fault my life and children's lives are in constant danger. If I had never allowed myself to throw all caution to the wind, then perhaps my husband would never have turned. Perhaps I wouldn't be in this predicament I am in now. But then again, I would never have had Luke and Leia. _

_How did I end up here in this Imperial Jail Cell? How is it that, Maria Antus, an unstoppable assassin is now sitting in this dark, dank cell…waiting for certain death? _

_Maria Antus._

_My new identity. Maria was bred on Naboo by an assassin breeder no less. Soon after I gave birth, I returned to Naboo unbeknownst to my family and friends, knowing my children were safe and well. For one year I recovered from the physical and emotional trauma of Mustafar and the "death" of my husband. While there I had plenty of time to think about the remaining shambles of my life; I lived incognito. I had no purpose anymore. The Republic I fought so hard for was gone, my husband was gone, my children were gone. What more could I possibly lose?_

_Absolutely nothing. Having nothing to lose and nothing to gain, I contacted Bail Organa in hopes of doing something to help the Rebel Alliance. He told me that most people believed me dead; something I knew having gone to my own funeral with no body present. I took the opportunity to discard my former life and gain a new one. And so I became Maria Antus. _

_But how is it that I became an assassin? How did I become so feared and so admired?_

_I was a fool to believe that becoming an assassin would help the Alliance. I encountered a man by the name of Aeron Nadres… a notorious assassin breeder. I went to him disillusioned, foolishly believing murdering high-ranking Imperial Officers would save the Rebel Alliance and destroy the Empire so hated by the galaxy. _

_I knew that one day I would be caught… and when I was caught, I would be killed. After all, I am a murderer. My family would be horrified at the thought of their good, peaceful daughter and sister would turn into such a seemingly cold-hearted killer. But they don't know how hard it is. None of them do. They don't realize how much it kills me to take the life of another. This isn't who I was raised to be. Padme Amidala was never raised to harm any living thing. _

_Maria Antus, on the other hand, has no family, no friends, nothing to stop her from being the best she could be. I tricked myself into believing that I had abandoned my former self. It made it easier to commit these senseless acts. I was a fool. No matter how hard one tries, you can never be rid of your former self. The past always finds a way to come back and bite you hard. _

_Why did I think I was any different? How could I believe that what I was doing was for the good of the Republic? How did my life become such a mess?_

_Perhaps this path I've decided to follow can ultimately save me, save my husband, and most importantly my children. I can only pray to the Gods that when I encounter Darth Vader, he will not recognize me. Once again it is that man, who will be the maker of my destiny. If he did recognize me, would he kill me? Is my husband lying dormant in that man? Could he come back? Could I come back from the dark, abysmal life I was living? _

_Can we be saved? _

_You're still wondering how I came into this existence. Let me take you back fourteen years, the day Padme officially ceased to exist and Maria was born._

A/N- Ok, I shouldn't have started another fic already, but I had to do this. This prologue needed to be posted. Let me know what you guys think! It's different from any other fic I initially had in mind, but I thought it would be interesting to write. Please review!


	2. Chapter 1

A/N- Thank you guys for reviewing! At first I was unsure about this fic, because Padme is so out of character from what we're used to in the films. But, as you will see later on, I will try to remain as true to her as possible.

Oh and I was looking back at the timeframe and I realized it won't fit with what I have planned, therefore, I am altering the setting. I've decided to have the fic take place during the OT, with the prologue at the _beginning_ of the RotJ era. Please make note of this change.

**Please be patient while waiting for chapters. I don't have a lot of time on my hands to write and am in the process of finishing another story. **

Disclaimer: All belongs to the Flannelled One aka George Lucas. Any OC's you see are mine and not to be taken without permission.

_  
Nothing is so strong as gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as true strength.  
- St. Francis De Sales _

**Chapter One**

**Twenty Four years prior to RotJ**

It has been one year. One lonely year. One dismal year without my children. One miserable year since my husband turned his back on the Jedi, on me – our love and our children. How have I survived on my own? On this very day, one year ago my world fell apart before my very eyes and for once there wasn't one thing I could do stop it. I was powerless to stop the very thing I loved succumb to darkness.

Power.

Funny how one little word shattered my world. My husband had a greater love, no, a greater need for it than he did me.

Power.

The very one thing I did _not _want was the very thing he desired above anything else. Power is what keeps us apart. Power is what separates me from my…our children. I remember being on Polis Massa giving birth to our children.

Luke and Leia.

_Oh Annie, it should have been you there holding my hand. Not Obi Wan. It should have been you. _I sigh, I will never recover from the trauma of losing him and our children in the same day.

"_Obi Wan…there…is good in him. I know there is…still…"_

I remember blacking out shortly after. When I woke, I was on some unknown Planet in the Outer Rim. And my children weren't.

Flashback

"_Where are my children?" I ask Obi Wan_

"_They are safe." He doesn't meet my gaze_

"_Where are they Obi Wan?" I persist._

"_We discussed this after they were born." He sits on a table in the room._

"_We?" I interject._

"_Bail, Master Yoda and myself. We agreed it would be best if they were separated from each other and from you." He stares at the floor with an expression of utter remorse and guilt._

"_Separated? You took my children away from me? The only thing I have left of Anakin?" Tears cloud my vision_

"_I'm so sorry Padme. But it's for their safety and yours. If the Emperor discovers you and the children are alive…" Obi Wan finally meets my gaze with pity._

"_But you took them from me. How could you?" Tears fall and I'm incapable to stop them._

"_It's in their interest. Their Force Signatures are so powerful, if the Emperor or Vader discovers it…" Obi Wan justifies their reasoning for taking my children away from me._

"_Where are they?" I ask again._

"_I can't tell you…" Again with the remorseful look._

"_Why not? They are MY children." I feel the anger swelling in me._

"_It's not safe. You know it to be true Padme." Obi Wan looks at me with pain etched in his eyes and face. Three days since Mustafar aged him ten years. _

_I sigh. He's right. He's always right. _

"_Can I see them…ever?" I ask, already knowing the answer. _

"_It's too dangerous. They will know you are their mother and will react in way no one can stop. And he will know."_

_I stare at my hands, and then look up at him. _

"_Where am I?"_

"_Arbra." Obi Wan says. _

"_Does anyone know I'm here?" Was my family alright?_

"_No. Shortly after we left Polis Massa there was an explosion. Everyone believes you died there." He says quietly. _

_Dead? I was dead?_

"_Why are you here?"_

"_To train you."_

"_Train me? Train me for what?" I ask in confusion. _

"_Train you to hide your Force Signature from Vader. I'm here to train you to keep your mind completely closed off to any intruders." Obi Wan explains. _

"_Oh…what happens now Obi Wan?"_

"_What do you mean?" He focuses his clear blue eyes on my darker ones. _

"_What happens to us? To the galaxy? The Republic is dead. All but three…two Jedi remain." _

_He sighs. "I don't know Padme. We all need to go into hiding. It's not safe for any of us under Palpatine's dictatorship."_

_I stare at the floor. My children were gone. My husband was gone. The Republic was eliminated. Everyone believed I was dead. What more was there for me? Why was I allowed to live when I had nothing to live for?_

"_I want to see my children." I hear myself say. _

_Obi Wan remains silent for a moment. "One day, I'll allow you to see them from afar. It's too dangerous for you to get close to them."_

_I concede. It was better than nothing. _

"_As for your training…"_

_Obi Wan spent the week with me training me and giving me exercises to close my mind off to everyone, most importantly Ana- Vader. _

End Flashback

When the training was complete I returned to Naboo incognito. Everywhere I look there are images on the holo of my funeral without a body present. I pull the cloak over my head bow my head and continue my journey to Aeron Nadres.

Aeron Nadres – the assassin breeder.

I found him by chance. Destiny one could say. I needed food at the market and happened to hear him ranting about the overthrow of the Republic and what a traitor Palaptine was. We all felt it. Every one of us Nubians felt it deep in our souls. Being the politician I was, I began talking to him. One day while at a shop, he pulled me aside and handed me a crumpled note and was gone.

Flashback

_I shove the note into my cloak and glance around the hangar, rehearsing the note in my head._

_Meet me at Dock B Platform 5144. We need to talk._

_- Aeron._

_A figure approaches. _

"_I was hoping you'd be here." I hear a gruff voice say._

"_The note made it seem important. What do you want?" I ask._

_He glances his around. "Follow me." He pivots on his heel and boards a ship. _

_I frown but comply. I enter the sleek Naboo ship and see him sitting in the pilot seat._

"_Sit." He orders and nods at the co-pilot seat._

_I sit and wait. _

"_Do you know who I am exactly…?" Aeron fixes his hazel eyes on mine. _

"_Only your name." I reply._

"_I'm surprised you haven't heard of me. After all I am the most notorious assassin breeder in the galaxy." He sits back in his seat, waiting for the words to sink in._

_Assassin breeder?_

"_Assassin breeder?" I ask. _

_He nods. "And I want to train you."_

"_Train me? What for? Why me?" _

"_You hate Palpatine. In fact, you have more of a motive to shake his Empire to the core; after all he was once your Mentor was he not Senator Amidala?"_

_I wince visibly. Why I felt compelled to reveal my true identity to him was beyond me. _

"_But why should I become an assassin? What good could that possibly do? I'm not a killer."_

_He narrows his eyes and some of his graying brown hair falls in his face. _

"_You want the Empire abolished do you not?"_

"_Of course…" But more than anything, I want _**my** _Annie back. _

"_Well what better way than to remove his High-Ranking officers? Eventually it will create turmoil within the system and the Empire will collapse on itself."_

"_But why kill anyone? That's not how I was raised…"_

"_Forgot about how you were raised." He interjects impatiently. "Senator Amidala is dead remember? Now is the time for you to get rid of your past and become someone new. Start over." _

_Start over? That's easier said than done. The only way to start over is having my husband and children with me. _

"_Shed my past?" Very much like Anakin did. _

"_Yes. Shed it and your ideals. Come with me where I can train you and then you can help the Rebels."_

_The Rebel Alliance. The one last shred of Democracy remaining from the Old Republic. _

"_The Rebels…" I repeat faintly. "But why do you want me?"_

_He sighs. "It's the only way to bring back the Republic now."_

_I shake my head. "There has to be another way."_

"_Well I'm afraid not Senator. It's this or nothing. You can take action or sit back and watch the rest of the galaxy fall under the tyrannical rule of Palpatine."_

_Like a clap of thunder, his words strike at my heart. Perhaps I could become an assassin. Then maybe, just maybe I can get my husband and children back. _

_Yes it is the only way to get my old life back. I must do what I can to help the Rebels and save my husband and children. _

"_I'll do it." I hear myself say._

_Aeron smiles at me. _

"_It is done." Then he stands._

"_Meet me at this address in two months." He scribbles something down and throws it at me._

"_Two months?" I ask. _

"_It takes time for me to acquire the equipment and tools necessary for training. Don't forget."_

_He turns to leave, then pauses. _

"_We can't have you going around with no identity. From now on you will be known as Maria Antus."_

"_Maria Antus." I repeat. _

"_Tell no one of this meeting." He says firmly and leaves. _

_I stare at the door. Minutes later I stand and slowly leave the ship. _

_Maria Antus. _

_My new identity. Just like that, I am someone new. _

_Padme Amidala Naberrie Skywalker is no more. Just like Anakin Skywalker is no more. So is his wife. _

_Lifting my cloak over my head, I leave the hangar. _

_Padme Naberrie is officially dead. _

End Flashback

Shortly after my meeting with Aeron Nadres, I contacted Bail Organa and he confirmed what Obi Wan had told me. Everyone believed I was dead. I immediately thought of what Aeron Nadres had told me. Perhaps I should take the opportunity to discard my former life and become someone else – become Maria Antus.

And so it is two months after that intriguing meeting with Aeron that I find myself standing in front of a dilapidated looking warehouse waiting for what Fate has in store for me.

As I stand in front of the massive doors, I wonder if I am doing more harm for the Rebels by embarking on this journey.

_Am I doing the right thing?_ I wonder.

Granted, I have nothing left to lose other than my life…and as of right now I didn't value mine very much. After all my husband is a man twisted by the Dark Side – he above all else desires power; and my children were…gods only know where they are. Obi Wan hasn't been in contact with me since he left me on Arbra. All I know is he is watching over my son, and I am content…for now.

I know my son is safe and well looked after wherever he is. As for Leia, I do not know where they have taken her. Obi Wan never told me. Just like Luke, I know she is safe and loved wherever she may be.

I glance around, the alley is completely deserted. I slowly pull the cloak down onto my shoulders and approach the dark building unsure of what to do next. Before I can react, the door opens to reveal darkness. I step inside the building and the door slides into its previous position shutting me out from the rest of the world. I stand in the dark waiting for something to happen, and once again I wonder if I am doing the right thing.

Lights flood the room and I blink as I am blinded by the lights. Aeron steps out from the shadows.

"I'm glad you came." He greets me.

"To be honest, I'm not sure why I did come." I reply.

"You're still hesitant about this." Aeron states.

"Well of course, you're trying to convince me to kill people to save something that's already dead." I snap.

Aeron grimaces. "Well, I wasn't sure if I should tell you this, but I can see now it's the only way to convince you to start training."

"Tell me what?"

"I was contacted by someone in the Rebel Alliance, who it was I can't say, but they want someone – you – to help them."

"Well why didn't they ask me personally? And better yet why did they contact you?" I ask.

"Well, simply put, you're dead. If it becomes known that Senator Amidala is alive and helping the Rebellion…" He trails off.

"Well can't I do something behind the scenes, where no one will know it's me helping?" I counter.

"We thought of that. But it won't work."

"Why not? No one will know it's me."

"It's easier if you have a new identity and a new…career shall we say?" He smiles mockingly at me. "And I've been told that if it's known you're alive – well Darth Vader would stop at nothing to get to you, though I'm not sure why."

Vader. Anakin. My husband. The father of my children. He could not discover that I was alive. It would be too dangerous for me and children.

I sigh. "But why train me as an assassin?"

"We've been through this already Sen – Maria." He corrects himself.

I close my eyes briefly. I couldn't do this, to become an assassin, Maria Antus, would be finalizing my life. To become an entirely different person would be denying who I am – could I do that? Could I become someone else, as my husband had done?

I open my eyes and see him studying me intently.

"Fine. I'll do it." I say before I can stop myself.

He grins. "I knew it."

I scowl briefly and again wonder if I am doing the right thing.

And so my training and new life begins.

Goodbye Padme Amidala Naberrie Skywalker. She is no longer.

A/N- Well there's the first chapter. I changed a few things from the prologue so it will fit the plot. I hope you liked it. Please review and tell me what you think.


	3. Chapter 2

_Courage without conscience is a wild beast._

_Robert G. Ingersoll_

_To Lut Gaye Haan Lut Gaye_

_To Lut Gaye Hum Teri Mohabbat Mein_

_-From the Bollywood Movie Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam_

_Meaning- I was utterly destroyed; I was utterly destroyed by my love for you_

**Chapter Two**

**Twenty Four years and five months prior to RotJ**

I had been in training for five months now. It was the most brutal, gruesome, tiring five months of my life and everyday I questioned whether or not I was doing the right thing. Aeron pushed me to my breaking point everyday. I found myself hating him and myself more and more each day. Everyday we did hand to hand combat and training with weapons for eight standard hours. Everyday I cursed him and the Empire for what became of my life. And everyday I found myself thinking of Luke and Leia. How were they? Were they well-looked after? How I longed to look upon their faces at least once more. And, of course, everyday I thought of Anakin/Vader and how he could betray me, the Republic and our children.

He used to always say that he belonged entirely to me…heart and soul. But everyday I thought back to that fateful day on Mustafar and how much those words seemed…false. I wondered was he ever really mine in the first place. He fell in love with the dark side and the power it offered him. He had a greater love for power than for me. Force how I missed him. The pain of losing him never lessened with each passing day.

I entered my dismal apartment on the other side of Naboo which was far from my home and from the capital city Theed where no one would be able to recognize me. After my meeting with Aeron five months ago, I cut off all my hair and dyed it black. I also purchased eye contacts to change my eye colors. My eyes were now a bright green. If Anakin could see me now he would be shocked. Gone was the soft, gentle politician and in its place was a hard, strong assassin in training. I had yet to go out and kill anyone and I dreaded the day when it came.

I walked into my kitchen and turned on the burner to cook myself a meal. It had been another long, tiring day of training with Aeron and I was famished. I quickly ate my meal and cleaned the dishes. Afterwards I went to the 'fresher took a bath and got dressed for bed but walked into the sitting room. I collapsed onto the couch in the sitting room with a glass of white wine. This had become my nightly ritual. Everyday after I trained with Aeron I came home, ate, showered, and sat on the couch to reflect on my new life.

Six years ago I never would have imagined my life would turn out like this. I always thought that Anakin and I would be together with our children. I always thought that we would be happy. Life certainly had its way of surprising one. I sighed and took a sip of my wine.

The galaxy was in turmoil. Everyday on the Holonet news I heard of thousands of people dying and the Emperor imposing new laws to make it impossible to vote him out of power. I quickly finished my wine and set in the glass on the counter in the kitchen. Afterwards I brushed my teeth and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Five months of training had drastically trained me. My features had become harsher. My body became more muscular and stronger. But most of all my eyes, they became callous and filled with pain. They were the eyes of someone who had been through hell and back in the last year and a half. And in many ways, I had.

I looked down at my hands and stared at them. They used to be so soft and now they were extremely rough and calloused. Sighing I turned around and laid down in my bed. I turned off the lights and closed my eyes. Soon I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Next Day

I woke up at 0600 standard hours, my usual waking hour now. I changed into a pair of dark green pants and black tunic. Then I quickly tied on my shin high boots, grabbed my bag filled with weapons and padding for training and left my apartment. Today was another day of long training.

I arrived at the abandoned warehouse at 0730 standard hours. Aeron was sitting on a crate of boxes waiting for me to arrive.

He looked up when I entered. "Good. You're here. We've had a slight change of plans. There will be no combat training today."

I frowned. "No training? Then what are we doing today?"

"Today Zaia Terrran will be teaching you some languages." He responded.

"Who? And what?" I questioned.

"Zaia Terrran. She is trained in one hundred different languages. I was contacted by the rebel alliance last night. Today you are to learn some new languages to aide you when you go to work in the field."

"Oh. Very well." I replied.

I looked around the warehouse. "Where is she?"

"She'll be here in a few minutes. I have to leave however. I have to pick up more equipment that you will be training with starting next week." With that he left.

I stared after his retreating figure and set down my back. I sat down next to it and closed my eyes. Tears quickly fell down my face. Never in my life had I cried so much than in the last year and a half. I thought back to the last time I was with Anakin on Naboo and when we were happy.

_I was standing on our balcony watching the moon from Naboo. There was a gentle breeze coming in. I closed my eyes and felt the wind kissing my face, my hair gently blowing in the wind. Anakin managed to get time from his duties as a Jedi and together we left Coruscant for a week of relaxation on Naboo. What he told Obi Wan I never found out. _

_I felt him come up beside me. _

"_It's so beautiful here." I said._

"_Yes it is." He replied. "And so are you."_

_I smiled and opened my eyes. I looked up into his eyes and stared deeply into his eyes. He leaned over and kissed me deeply and passionately. _

"_I love you so much Padme. You mean more to me than anything else in the galaxy."_

"_I love you too Anakin. I can't imagine life without you in it." _

_He grimaced. "I don't even want to think about that. My life belongs to you." _

_He took my hand and put it up to his heart. "My heart, my soul; everything I am belongs to you. You are a part of me. The best part of me. You are the only thing that keeps me sane while I am at war. There aren't enough words to describe how much I love you." _

_I sighed and buried my face in his chest. "I love you so much too. I can't believe you will be going back to the Outer Rims next week. When will we see each other again?" _

_He kissed the top of my head. "Shh…let's not talk of that. Right now let's enjoy what little time we have together before we have to leave." _

_I mutely nodded my head. He picked me up and carried me off to our bedroom…_

"Maria Antus?" I heard a loud voice ask.

My reverie was broken. I looked up and saw a tall woman approach me. She had long blonde hair.

"Yes. Are you Zaia Terrran?" I questioned.

"I am. Let's begin your training." She cut to the chase.

I stared at her. She had deep blue eyes just like Anakin. I shook my head.

_No. I will **not** think of him anymore. Anakin is dead. Gone. Just like Padme his wife. _I reprimanded myself.

"Yes. Let's get this over with." I agreed.

I stood up and wiped off dirt from my pants. She led me over to a table and sat down in a chair and motioned for me to do the same. I complied.

"You are probably wondering why Aeron is asking you to learn new languages." She said.

I didn't respond immediately. "I suppose."

She sighed and continued. "Being an assassin also means to take on different identities. Part of your job will be to become someone else. Someone from a different planet, culture with different languages. And so you will need to learn the language of whatever planet it is you are from. You will also need to learn different accents. For the next few weeks you will be learning several languages and accents to convince people of your identity."

I swallowed. This "job" got more and more complicated with each passing day.

"Today we will begin with Huttese, from Tatooine." She said.

I felt a wave of nausea course through me and thought of the day I walked into the junk shop. The place where I met Anakin. Tatooine. Once again that planet became a part of my life. Would I never be free of Anakin?

She frowned. "Are you all right?"

I snapped out of my reverie. "Huh? Oh yes. I am fine." I said.

She regarded me carefully and nodded. "Very good. Let's begin."

And so for the next four hours we went over the characters and language of Huttese. We reviewed it so much that by the end of it I felt like my head would explode.

Finally she leaned back in her chair and said, "I think that is enough for today. We will continue tomorrow with the language from Kamino. See you tomorrow."

I stood up. "Ok, I'll see you tomorrow." I walked away and went over to my bag. She left the warehouse. Since I was done earlier than usual I decided to stay back and continue with my weapons training. I stayed there and practiced for five more hours. I had made a lot of progress in the last five months. According to Aeron I would be ready to go out in the field in a few months from now. Once I finished practicing I packed up my bag, put on my cloak to cover my face, and left the warehouse.

I headed back to my apartment and made food for myself. I ate my dinner and cleaned my dishes. I went to the 'fresher and showered. I walked back to the sitting room and turned on the Holonet News, sat on the couch and watched it numbly. Most news came from Coruscant about Darth Vader and the Emperor and what atrocities they committed today. I sighed and bit my lip. I felt a tear slide down my cheek.

It was so silent in my apartment. This was not I imagined my life being. I thought that by now I would have children with me and I would hear the pitter-patter of their feet running across the floor. But alas my children were not with me. Force only knew where they were. I had yet to hear from Obi Wan. He promised me that one day I would be able to see them from afar. I hoped that day would come soon. I don't know how much longer I would be able to continue without knowing how they were.

I shook my head and glared at the news angrily.

_How could you Anakin? How could you help destroy one of the very things I fought so hard to keep? Why? Why wasn't my love enough for you? Why weren't our children enough for you? Why?_ I thought angrily.

Has my grief turned to hate? Absolutely not. I would never…could never hate him. I love him so much still. A part of was still holding onto the hope that if I were to come face to face with him I could turn him back. Somewhere in the depths of Darth Vader lurked my husband. I longed to free him from the hold the Emperor had on him and return him to me. I needed him. He needed me and our children needed us. They should not have to live in hiding in constant fear of their lives from their own _father. _

I turned off the news and sat in the silence for a few minutes. I closed my eyes and thought about Luke and Leia. They were five months today. I wondered about them. What were their personalities like? Were they like Anakin or me? Or were they completely different people? What would they grow up to be? Would Luke aspire to be a Jedi like his father? Would he be a pilot like him? Would Leia be like me and become a politician? Or would she choose a different path? Just last night I found out on the news that Bail and his wife had adopted a little girl. Her name was Leia. She was five months old. I guess I wasn't too surprised to find that Leia was with him. So perhaps she would become a politician like him and me. But what of Luke? Where was he? Who was he with? Did they give him the love he deserved?

A part of me wanted to get a ship and fly to Alderaan and see Leia. But remembering what Obi Wan told me stopped me from acting too rashly. He told me that their force signatures were too strong and they would react very strongly if I came in contact with them. And if that were to happen both Vader and the Emperor would notice, and the care they took to protect me and my children would be gone in an instant. We would no longer be safe.

I stood up and forced myself to stop thinking about them and my former life. All of it was gone. All of it was dead. My dreams died the day that Anakin turned. All I wanted was Anakin and his love, but that wasn't enough for us. I had to stop thinking about them. Maria Antus is who I am now. I am no longer Padme Amidala Naberrie Skywalker.

I made a promise to myself right then and there. From this moment on I will _never _think about Anakin, Padme and the children. That life has long since died.

I walked into my bedroom and lay down on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling for what seemed an eternity until I gave into sleep. That night I dreamt of my former life as a Queen and when I first met Anakin.

"_Are you an angel?"_

"_What?"_

"_An angel. I've heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They  
live on the Moons of Iego I think. They are the most beautiful creatures in  
the universe. They are good and kind, and so pretty they make even the most  
hardened spice pirate cry." He responded. _

_I stared at him not knowing what to say. "I've never heard of Angels."_

"_You must be one…you just don't know it." He insisted. _

"_You're a funny little boy…" _

I woke up with a start. It was 0700 standard hours in the morning.

_Sith spit. I'm going to be late. _

I jumped up out of bed and hurriedly put on pants and a tunic, grabbed my bag and ran out of my apartment at a breakneck speed.

I arrived at the warehouse an hour later and rushed inside. Zaia was there waiting for me at the table.

"Sorry I am late." I apologized but offered no excuse.

"It's no problem. I just arrived here a couple of minutes ago. Let's get started. The Kaminoan language is complicated because you have to learn a new alphabet set."

_Just wonderful. _I thought to myself.

And so we sat there learning the language. According to Zaia it would take a couple of days to learn the language because of the character set. We spent the entire eight hours learning the language with an hour break in between to eat and rest.

When we were done with learning the language I left the warehouse and headed home. I repeated my nightly ritual of eating, showering and watching the news. The news was always unsettling. The Emperor once again passed another law giving him full power to arrest anyone he wished without a warrant. And the law gave him the power to execute anyone he believed was against the Empire. The Empire was on now basically a dictatorship. I rubbed my hand on my forehead and sighed deeply. I couldn't believe what had become of the galaxy and the republic. I got up and went to pour myself a glass of red wine. I sat back down and continued watching the news.

There was some news about Senator Organa and his adopted daughter in the entertainment section of the news. An image of him and Leia appeared on the news. I sat up straighter and stared at her. She was beautiful. She had my dark hair and dark eyes. I inhaled deeply and continued to stare at her. How I longed to hold her in my arms. I turned off the news and stood up. I washed the glass and put it away and yawned deeply. It was getting late. Tomorrow would be another long, dull day of learning languages. I hated to admit it but I was missing the combat and weapons training. I liked the constant moving. Yawning deeply again I walked back to my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed. I fell into a deep sleep. Once again I dreamt of Anakin and when he proposed to me.

_We were heading back to Naboo after he was taken care of by the healers. He glared at his new mechanical arm spitefully. I studied him carefully. _

"_What happens to us now?" I asked more to myself than to him. _

_He looked up at me and stared at me intently. His blues eyes penetrated my soul. _

"_Was it…was it true?" He asked timidly. _

"_Was what true?" _

"_What you said…about loving me?" _

"_Of course it is. Why would you ask such a thing?" I frowned. _

"_I'm sorry, I just had to make…sure." He replied while staring at the ground. _

_I stared at him._

"_What's going on?" I asked. _

"_Padme…I love you and I can't imagine my life without you in it." Anakin said hurriedly._

"_I love you too Anakin…"_

"_Padme…will you…will you marry me?" He asked. _

_My jaw dropped. "What? Are you serious?"_

"_I've never been more serious about anything before." He said firmly. _

"_But what about your duty as a Jedi? You know we can't marry. You are a Jedi and I am senator. It would destroy our careers." I said. _

"_I don't care about that. All I know…all I need is your love. You are my light. You are my life. You are the best part of me. I don't want to continue on without you a part of my life. Please Padme…marry me." He pleaded. _

_I stared into his eyes. Could I marry him? I did love him…a lot. But was I ready to be a wife? Am I ready to be Padme Amidala Naberrie Skywalker? Could I be Mrs. Skywalker? I felt my heart flutter as I thought of my surname as Skywalker. Yes. I could. No…I needed to be Mrs. Skywalker. Nothing would make me happier._

"_Yes. I will." I said._

_He stared at me stunned. "Really?"_

"_Yes really." I laughed._

_He laughed too and pulled me into a crushing embrace. I looked up into his eyes and kissed him as if there was no tomorrow._

_We married that evening at the Naboo Lake Retreat. I was officially Mrs. Skywalker. _

I woke up with a start. It was 0700 in the morning. I got out of bed and changed into a pair of brown pants and a white tunic. Grabbing my cloak and bag I left the apartment. I arrived at the warehouse to find Aeron there looking grim.

"There has been a change of plans. My contact told me to tell you that there has been a…situation and we need to move faster than planned."

"Faster than planned?" I asked.

"Yes. In three days we need to strike."

"Strike? In three days?"

"Yes. There is an envoy leaving Coruscant carrying Captain Palis Elray. He is one of the Emperor's most trusted advisors. You are to go on board the ship pretending to be a soldier of the Empire. You will kill him with this," He pointed to a dart, "and leave with the utmost of discretion. We will have a ship ready and waiting for you when you are done. You will need this tracking device. You will keep it on your person at all times. When you are finished hit this button and we will pick you up as soon as possible." He said.

I swallowed thickly.

_Three days? But that's too soon. I'm not ready for this. I can't…_

"I know it is short notice but we have no choice. We have a lot of work to do in the next two days to get you prepared. Let's get to work." He walked away.

I stared at him briefly and then ran after him.

And so it begins.

A/N- I know it has been a long time since I updated but since I had time today I decided to get up the next chapter. I don't know when the next chapter will be up but soon hopefully. I am not really happy with this chapter and so I may go back and fix before I add another chapter. I don't know yet. But please review/criticize and let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 3

_It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn't match what it would be._

_Randy K. Milholland_

**Chapter Three**

**Twenty-four years and five months prior to RotJ**

Three days and come and gone since Aeron told me of my mission. Today was the day. Today I would go out and embark on my first…murder. Today I would assume the identity of an Imperial officer and accompany an envoy leaving Coruscant. I donned my outfit and stared at my reflection. Aeron had given me a mask to alter my appearance. Two hours until I had to leave. I wasn't ready. No matter how much Aeron insisted I was ready…I wasn't. How do you prepare yourself to murder?

I glared at my reflection. This isn't me. Had things gone the way I wanted them…Anakin and I would be together with our children and we would be happy. I sighed and straightened my spine. Turning around I grabbed my small bag and left my hotel on Coruscant. I boarded the local transport that would take me to the hangar. I decided to arrive early to acquaint myself with some Imperial officers.

The transport arrived at the hangar an hour and a half later. It was the longest most nerve-wracking ride of my life. I prayed that my limited acting skills would serve me on this journey. I disembarked and entered the hangar taking in the sight before me. There were hundreds of storm troopers present. Most of them were checking to make sure the ship or the hangar wasn't bugged. I took a deep breath and walked further in. Almost immediately I was intercepted by a grungy looking man. I glared at him trying my best to look intimidating.

"Who're you?" He asked me gruffly while looking me over with an appreciative glance. It took all my strength not to slap him. I almost gagged. His breath reeked of alcohol and it appeared that he hadn't washed in ages. His hair was long, limp and greasy.

"I'm Ellena Gundres reporting for duty." I replied.

He narrowed his eyes "Ya got some I.D?"

I wordlessly handed him my identification, hoping against hope that Aeron's friend was as good as he claimed to be.

"Humph. Right then." He handed me my I.D. back. "Report to Captain Elray." He pointed in the direction where my…victim stood. I swallowed thickly and walked away feeling the man's despicable eyes following me.

"Captain Elray?" I called out.

He turned and stared at me. "Yes?"

"Ellena Gundres reporting for duty." I said.

He sized me up for a moment and then nodded. "Very well. Go board the ship and assist the others sweeping the ship."

I quickly nodded my head, "Yes sir," and hurriedly boarded the ship. As I entered the ship I was greeted by the sight of dozens of storm troopers.

_What in the name of the Gods have I gotten myself into? I can't do this. _I thought to myself.

"Hey you! What are you doing?" Someone asked me.

"Waiting for my orders." I responded coolly.

"Here, take this and sweep the Captain's quarters." He handed me a sweeping device. I mutely took it and headed toward the back of the ship. The door opened and I activated the device and began a thorough sweep of the room. Finding nothing, I turned off the machine and left the room. I left the ship and returned the sweeping device to one of the droids who worked in the hangar. Without another word I reentered the ship and headed for the crew quarters. There were two other female offices in the room on board. I was extremely relieved about that.

They turned around.

"You must be the new one. I'm Maren. This is Mina." A tall redhead approached me and shook my hand.

"Hi. I'm Ellena." I shook both their hands. Maren was tall with striking blue eyes and Mina was shorter with black hair and brown eyes.

"So how did you end up working for the Empire?" Mina asked.

I shrugged, "It pays the rent."

They look at each other and laughed. "Indeed it does."

"So where are you from?" Mina asked.

"Naboo." I responded without thinking and then mentally cursed myself. _Sithspit. _

She raised her eyebrows, "Really? Then you must have heard about what happened with their former Queen Amidala."

I grimaced, "Yes I did."

"It was such a tragedy." Mina sighed. "I mean her unborn child died with her too! How utterly tragic is that? And no one even knew she was married! It's so sad and romantic at the same time."

I stared at her in disbelief. "Yes it is sad. Very sad. The poor woman and her family. I can't even imagine what it was like for them."

Maren sat on her small bed, "Yes I wonder who she was married to? But what's happened is done. There is no point to dwell on it."

"What about you two? Where are you from?" I asked eager to change the subject.

"I'm from Muunilinst." Maren said.

"And I am from Roon." Mina responded.

"And how is that you came to work for the Empire" I asked her.

She shrugged. "I had to get away from that place. It was too…constricting. Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to see the galaxy and all it has to offer. The first time I saw a star in the sky I knew I wanted to see as many of them as I possibly could."

_Sound very familiar to a little boy I know from Tatooine. _I thought bitterly.

"What about you? How is it someone from Naboo works for the Empire? Aren't Nubians generally pacifist by nature?" Maren asked.

I shrugged in response. "I had to get away as well. The life I had there was…too much for me." I replied ambiguously.

Maren nodded. "I can understand that. Do you have anyone special waiting for you?"

I suddenly felt very claustrophobic. "No, there is no one." I replied quickly, too quickly. "Do you?"

Maren shook her head wistfully. "No not at the moment at least."

Mina nodded, "My husband is also working for the Empire."

_Funny so does mine. _I sighed deeply.

"As soon as I can, I plan on retiring. My husband and I plan on starting a family soon. We want lots of children."

Anakin and I did too. But the reality was much different from my…our dreams. I felt tears threaten to escape from my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a deep breath. I ached to see my children. Now more than ever I wanted to see them.

"Are you alright Ellena?" Mina asked me.

I opened my eyes. "What? Oh yes, I'm fine." I smiled weakly.

Mina stared at me for what seemed an eternity. "Ok." Just then her comlink beeped. She looked at it and then excused herself.

I sat down on my bed and sighed deeply. I glanced at the chrono. It was just time for us to takeoff. I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes. I fell asleep almost immediately.

oooOOOooo

I woke up several hours later. Startled I looked up and saw that Maren and Mina were both asleep. How long had I been asleep? I looked at the wrist chrono and saw that it was already ten in the evening. I didn't realize that I was so tired. Throwing back the covers I grabbed my bag and went into the 'fresher. Digging through the bag I attached the tracking device to my tank top and checked to make sure the poisonous dart was in there. Looking in the mirror I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and began to chant to myself that I could do this. I have had to…kill before but in self defense; never as a preemptive strike.

I left the 'fresher and snuck out of the quarters. I put on black leather gloves. I would have to terminate the Captain tonight and wait for them to pick me up tomorrow when we reached our destination so as to not rouse suspicion. There was minimal activity on the ship at this time, so I was able to reach the Captain's quarters without incident. I punched in the security code that Aeron obtained and prayed that it would work. It did and the door slid open. Glancing over my shoulder to make sure no one was there I stealthily entered the room. The Captain lay flat on his back and he was asleep. I crept up to his bed and watched him as he slept ignorant to the fate that was about to befall him.

My heart was racing a mile a minute and I felt nauseous. A big part of me wanted to turn around and forget the whole mission. Who was I kidding? I couldn't do this. I couldn't kill someone. I held my breath as the Captain shifted in his sleep and turned over onto his side.

_Just do it quickly. Get it over with. Do it and leave. Don't look back. _I kept repeating to myself. Reaching into my bag I pulled out a Kamino saberdart and inspected it. According to Anakin this was the same dart that killed the bounty hunter hired to kill me. I inserted it into my pistol with a silencer. Closing my eyes and trying to catch my breath I raised the weapon.

_I can't do this. This isn't me. I can't take an innocent life. How did I get here? Why am I here? I can't be here. That's it as soon as I get back to Naboo I am resigning. I can't kill. I can't do it. I won't do it. This is too hard. This is too senseless. _

I drew in another shaky breath. I had no choice. I had not come all this way to just quit. I am not Padme anymore. Padme is dead like Anakin. Padme has been dead for over a year now. I had to do this. If not for me then for the future of the Empire. The safety of millions of lives in the galaxy. Perhaps I can save my children from a bleak future by doing what Aeron had told me to do. Destroying the Empire from within would cause it to collapse and the Republic that I had fought so hard for could be redeemed.

_Oh for the love of the Force just do it. You are not Padme Amidala Naberrie Skywalker anymore. You are Maria Antus. You are an assassin…a bounty hunter. You were bred to kill. You are **not **Padme Skywalker anymore. Just as Anakin isn't Anakin anymore you aren't Padme anymore. _

Opening my eyes I fired the weapon. The saberdart worked almost instantaneously. Discarding the weapon I quickly left the room and hurried back to the crew quarters. We would be arriving at our destination in about six standard hours. Maren and Mina were still fast asleep. I glanced at the chrono on my wrist. It was eleven standard hours. Closing my eyes I felt a tear slid down my cheek, quickly followed by more tears. After several hours I fell into a dreamless sleep.

00o00o00o

I woke up to the sensation of someone shaking my shoulder roughly.

"Wake up Ellena. Wake up!" A voice called out.

I frowned and opened my eyes. My vision was blurry and I could barely make out the hazy form of a blonde haired woman.

"What's going on?" I asked hoarsely.

"There has been a murder! The Captain was killed last night. The whole ship is in an uproar plus we have landed. Come quick!" Mina whispered excitedly.

"What?" I asked in shock. Throwing the covers off me I got out of bed, grabbed my bag and followed her out of the room quickly. Everyone was shouting orders and running around. It was utter chaos. I inhaled deeply and felt the bile rose within me.

_Did I actually kill someone? I can't believe it. How could I do such a thing? Regardless of the fact he worked for the Empire he was still a human being. _

Storm troopers rushed past me to the Captain's quarters. They put him on a gurney and covered him with a sheet and carried him off the ship.

"Isn't it shocking? I mean…one minute he was alive and the next he's dead! No one knows who did it or why. All they found was a Kamino saberdart in him. Not even a weapon! Whoever did it certainly knows what they are doing. I wonder who it could be." Mina said excitedly.

I grimaced. "Who knows? I can't believe it. This is…shocking. I thought the security on this ship was top notch?"

"So did I." Mina responded.

We had arrived on Cato Neimoidia, the place where the Captain was supposed to handle some transaction for the Emperor. I glanced at my chrono; it was almost time for Aeron to pick me up. All I wanted was for him to pick me up and take me home so I could cry. But right now I couldn't afford to break down. I felt my comlink vibrating in my bag. I quickly excused myself and disembarked from the ship amidst the chaos. Turning to the right I walked as far from the ship as I could as quickly as I could. Far off into the distance, I could see Aeron waiting. I picked up my speed and ran over to him. He was waiting there with his ship.

"Come along. We have to go." He said gruffly.

I quickly boarded the ship and ran into one of the quarters and sank onto bed. With my face buried in my hands I burst into tears. I still couldn't believe I had actually done it.

_By the Gods what have I done? I can't believe I actually killed a person. I am surely going to hell for this. _

"Maria?" I heard him ask for me.

Drying my tears I stood up, "Yes?"

"Come into the cockpit. We have much to discuss."

Wiping invisible dirt from my pants I left the room and walked absentmindedly into the cockpit. He was sitting in the pilot's chair. I sat in the other chair.

"It went off without a hitch?" Aeron asked.

"Yes. They don't even have a suspect." I replied numbly.

"Excellent. You did good." He praised me.

When I didn't respond he turned to me and sighed, "Look I know it was difficult, but you're going to have to get over it and fast. This is what your career is going to be now. It's best to just forget it once the job is done."

I stared at him in shock. "You can't be serious! We're talking about taking another person's _life. _This was a mistake. I can't believe I let you talk me into becoming an assassin. I don't want any part of this anymore."

He leveled me with a glare, "You're already in too deep to quit. I have high hopes for you. You can't quit. The Rebel Alliance needs you. Would you actually turn your back on them?"

"I can still quit this job and work for the Rebel Alliance. I am _not _a killer." I fired back vehemently.

"I hate to break it to you, but you _are _a killer now. Did you not kill Captain Elray last night?" He asked.

"Indeed I did, but I can't continue this charade anymore. I can't…I won't kill anymore. This isn't who I am. I can still help the alliance, just not by killing anyone."

"And once Darth Vader learns of this?" He raised his eyebrows at me.

I faltered in my argument. If Vader learned that I was still alive, he would no doubt come after me and ask about our children. No matter what I _could not _let that happen. He had me trapped.

I dropped my gaze to my hands. They felt tainted now. My hands were now the hands of a killer. Someone else's blood was on my hands now. I felt sick to my stomach.

"You're right. I can't…if Vader discovers…" I trailed off.

He merely grunted.

"I…I am going to go lay down." I said and quietly left the cockpit. I entered my quarters and lay down on the bed thinking about all that transpired in the last day. So much had happened to me. I felt…different now. If at all possible, I felt hollower now than ever. What would my parents think of their daughter?

_No. Stop thinking about Padme. I am Maria Antus now. I can't think about my past life anymore. It's too painful and that is not who I am anymore. Forget about that life. It no longer exists. It's **dead!**_

_If only it were that easy. _

I closed my eyes, forcing myself to stop thinking about my former life and more importantly Anakin. Not a day went by when I didn't think about him. Sighing deeply I fell into a dreamless sleep.

00ooo000o0oo0

Several hours later Aeron entered the room to inform that we had arrived on Naboo.

_Thank the Gods. _I thought to myself. Getting out of bed, I changed into some more comfortable clothes and grabbed my bag and left the room. I walked down the ramp.

"You have the next few days off. Get some rest we still have lots of training to do." Aeron said and left without another word.

I looked after his retreating figure briefly and then turned and headed off in the opposite direction. I entered my empty apartment and tossed my bag down onto the couch. Anxious to take a shower, I hurried to the 'fresher and turned on the water and took a long, hot shower.

It was soothing yet it didn't make me feel any better. My hands were still tainted and I was still a killer. I guess I hoped the water would wash away my sins but to no avail. Just like Vader, my hands were that of a killer. Turning off the water, I dried myself off and changed into a comfortable nightgown. Feeling disconnected, I went out into the sitting area and turned on the Holonet News. The major of the segment was about the mysterious death of Captain Elray. The government was in an uproar because no one had a clue as to who did it. The only tangible clue they had was of a woman named Ellena Gundres, who disappeared shortly after the ship landed in Cato Neimoidia. They were calling the killer the 'Angel of Death'. How ironic…Anakin once referred to me as an Angel but under much different circumstances.

The Emperor was furious about the death of one of his most trusted advisors. He wanted everyone on board questioned about his death. I hated to admit it but part of me felt gleeful to see the Empire already being shaken. According to Aeron no one would even begin to suspect it was me because one I was "dead" and two Padme Skywalker was a pacifist by nature…there is no way she would have killed a human being for no apparent reason. I had to admit his logic was sound.

The news then changed to something about Darth Vader and some business he had to deal with on Coruscant. An image of him appeared on the news. He no longer looked like my… Annie. His feature's were still the same…save for his eyes. They used to be so warm, loving and inviting and now they were so cold and unfeeling. His eyes were no longer the beautiful shade of blue that I loved so much…they were a cruel sithly yellow. I shuddered and stared long and hard at his image desperate to find _any _shred of Anakin in him but I came up empty.

Unable to handle more news, I turned off the news and picked up some book to read. I read in silence for a couple of hours when I heard my comlink beeping. I answered it. It was Obi Wan.

"Obi Wan! What a pleasant surprise. How have you been?" I asked in shock.

"I am alright. How have you been?" He inquired. Obi Wan looked so much older now. Seventeen months had changed him drastically.

"Ok I suppose. How is Luke? And Leia?" I leaned forward in my seat.

"They are alright. In fact that is why I decided to contact you. I know it has been so long but it hasn't been safe to do so. Actually it still is unsafe but I figured now would be a good time." Obi Wan replied.

"Oh?"

"How would you feel about coming to see Luke…from a distance of course?" He asked.

My jaw dropped. See Luke? Finally after dreaming about it for so long, my change had finally come.

"Of course! Oh Obi Wan I've longed to see him for so long. When can I?"

"I can come tomorrow if you like."

"Yes. That is perfect. How long will I get to see him?"

He frowned. "Not for too long I'm afraid. I'm not sure how he would react to seeing you or you to him."

"Oh…of course." I felt disappointed but for now this would have to do.

"I'll be there first thing tomorrow morning." He said and signed off.

I felt elated and sad at the same time. Finally, finally after so long I would get to see my precious son. Now if only I could see Leia as well. But for now this was enough for me. One day we will be a family again. I don't know how but I swear it will happen.

A/N- Thank you so much to my reviewers! I appreciate it so much. And I reread the previous chapter and realized I made a mistake. I originally said that Leia was five months which makes so sense considering it has been a year and five months since Mustafar. I will go back and change it so it says she is seventeen not five months, but after I finish. Please review/criticize and let me know what you think.


	5. Author's Note

No this is not an update, so sorry for doing that. I usually hate it when author's insert notes instead of chapters. But I wanted to see if there is anyone around still interested in seeing me finish this story? I took a (much needed sabbatical) from fiction writing. Lately I've been feeling more inspired to write again.

I want to continue this, but only if any of you are still out there waiting for me to. If you are, please review or PM and let me know. I want to finish this for you (and also for myself) but only if you are interested. I'm also seeking a beta, so if anyone knows of a good one, please point me in the right direction.

Thanks and cheers!


End file.
